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4 Facts About the Impact of Alcoholism on Children

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 14:45:44 GMT

It's often said that alcoholism is a family disease. This belief rings true because the effects of alcoholism run through generations. Children who grow up in a home with an alcoholic parent are deeply affected in fundamental ways for life. Let's look at some shocking facts on how alcoholism affects children and why alcoholism therapy is so vital.

1. It's More Common Than You Think

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, it's estimated that one in 10 children live in a home with an alcoholic parent. Dealing with an alcoholic parent will impact many aspects of the child's life, behavior, and growth. This is why alcoholism therapy is crucial to healing.

2. It Involves Greater Emotional Neglect

When children are raised by alcoholic parents, they are more likely to experience emotional neglect. In addition to this, they may also experience more instances of physical neglect as well. The website drugrehab.com states that approximately 50% of those children then grow up to deal with alcohol addiction themselves later in life as they grapple with the neglect they received as children. This shows how alcoholism quickly becomes a generational problem.

3. It Creates an Increased Risk of Disabilities

The effects of alcoholism on children aren't just limited to their emotional condition. The National Institutes of Health found that almost 8% of women in the U.S. will binge drink during pregnancy. The NIH claims that this results in up to 5% of newborns suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome upon birth. The American Academy of Pediatrics indicates that these babies have a 95% more likely risk of developing mental health issues. These issues can include anxiety and depression. These children are also at a higher risk for ADHD and other behavioral problems.

4. It's More Likely for Children to Form Addictions

The Department of Mental Health has found that a child with an alcoholic parent is four times more likely to also engage in excessive drinking later in life. Some believe this could be attributed to genetic factors that create addiction susceptibility in families. However, others believe there is a danger of addictions being normalized in the home as children are exposed to them for longer and longer periods.

These are just a few statistics dealing with how alcoholism affects children. If you or a loved one is dealing with alcohol dependency, please contact Clearview Counseling Center today for help with alcoholism therapy . We are here to help you find healthy solutions.

Stress management

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 22:46:36 GMT

Healthy Lifestyle Stress management

Stress basics

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the demands of life. A small amount of stress can be good, motivating you to perform well. But many challenges daily, such as sitting in traffic, meeting deadlines and paying bills, can push you beyond your ability to cope.

Your brain comes hard-wired with an alarm system for your protection. When your brain perceives a threat, it signals your body to release a burst of hormones that increase your heart rate and raise your blood pressure. This "fight-or-flight" response fuels you to deal with the threat.

Once the threat is gone, your body is meant to return to a normal, relaxed state. Unfortunately, the nonstop complications of modern life and its demands and expectations mean that some people's alarm systems rarely shut off.

Stress management gives you a range of tools to reset and to recalibrate your alarm system. It can help your mind and body adapt (resilience). Without it, your body might always be on high alert. Over time, chronic stress can lead to serious health problems.

Don't wait until stress damages your health, relationships or quality of life. Start practicing stress management techniques today.

Why Are Alcohol Therapy Options So Important?

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 14:05:31 GMT

Therapy options for alcoholism are services specifically geared toward alcoholics. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, over 14 million adults 18 and older suffer from alcohol use disorder. This disorder comes with distinct characteristics, requiring specific therapies to reduce the risk of relapse. Here are some reasons why different alcoholic therapy options are important.

Identification of Underlying Issues

Most people with AUD suffer from underlying issues or co-occurring disorders, like depression. Alcohol therapy options dive deep into these issues, helping address the root cause of alcoholism and offering dual treatment options. Therapists are specially trained to help alcoholics work through these complex circumstances.

Emotional Support

Recovery comes with a wide range of emotions. Alcohol no longer numbs feelings of guilt or shame. Regret boils to the surface bringing about anger and frustration. During this time, alcoholics must receive the emotional support they need to make it through the recovery journey. Therapists may also make referrals to other places that can offer support.

Education

Alcoholic therapy can help educate individuals on the various aspects of alcoholism. They can help patients learn about the consequences of alcoholism, such as cirrhosis. Most people think this will never happen to them, but therapists can help alcoholics realize it’s possible. This can help them find the motivation necessary to continue on a path of sobriety.

Coping Skills

While everyone drinks for a different reason, it’s common for people to address problems with a drink. Alcohol can melt the stress, and the sadness fades into the moonlight. However, when the alcohol is gone, it’s essential to discover new ways to cope with those same emotions. A therapist can help you learn to identify and address feelings to ensure you don’t pick up a drink to deal with them.

Individualized Treatment

No two people are the same. While one person may grab a beer to cope with depression or anxiety, another may head to the bar to escape an abusive home life. Others may enjoy drinking. There are various co-occurring disorders that therapists see. This calls for every patient to have an individualized treatment plan. Alcoholic therapy can provide that.

These are a few things that make therapy for alcoholism so important. Alcoholic therapists work with patients to develop the coping skills, accountability, and everything else they need to help reduce the risk of relapse. They can help you or a loved one learn how to love life without alcohol. Contact Clearview Counseling Center to learn more about how we can help today.

5 Things to Do If You Are Feeling Worthless

Tue, 15 Aug 2023 20:19:25 GMT

5 Things to Do If You Are Feeling Worthless

Feelings of worthlessness often involve a sense of insignificance in oneself and are strongly linked to hopelessness and self-blame.1

Such feelings are often a common symptom of depression, but can also arise due to things such as low self-esteem, neglect, abuse, trauma, or difficult situations that pose a threat to a person's sense of self.

Feeling worthless can create significant distress and make it difficult to function normally in daily life. You might find it difficult to feel motivated to pursue your goals when you feel that nothing you do is right or that none of your efforts will make a difference. Because of this, it is important to find ways to manage these difficult feelings and seek help when needed.

Causes of Worthlessness

Feelings of worthlessness can be caused by a number of different factors. Upbringing, social experiences, explanatory style, stressful events, and mental health conditions may all play a role. Some reasons why you might be struggling with such feelings include:

Childhood Trauma

You may have had negative childhood experiences that have left a lasting mark. Neglect, abuse, and maltreatment during childhood can all play a role in the development of feelings of worthlessness. Children who are abused or who are frequently criticized by parents or other caregivers may carry those feelings of insignificance into adulthood. Research has shown that these early interpersonal traumas are linked to later feelings of worthlessness.2

Seeing Negative Events as Your Fault

You may attribute negative events to your own actions or characteristics. People who are prone to attributing negative events to internal causes may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression, including worthlessness.

Past Criticism

You may have been criticized by others in the past. Negative experiences where a person has been degraded or faced criticism from others can also leave people feeling as if they lack value.

Difficulty Handling Stress

You might be having trouble coping with stress. Both acute and chronic stress can take a toll on a person's perceptions of themselves. You might feel worthless after experience a serious setback such as financial problems, divorce, or job loss.

Sign of a Mental Health Condition

You might have a mental health condition. Mood disorders such as major depressive disorder are often marked by symptoms such as shame, guilt, hopelessness, and worthlessness.3 Such symptoms create distress and make it difficult to manage usual daily tasks.

What You Can Do If You're Feeling Worthless

If you are experiencing feelings of worthlessness, there are small, actionable steps you can take that may help you start to feel better. Here are some ideas that can help.

Speak Kindly to Yourself

People who feel worthless often engage in negative thinking and self-talk. It may be challenging at first, but focus on treating yourself with kindness. When you notice negative self-talk, look for ways that you can reframe those thoughts in a more positive or realistic way. Instead of thinking "I hate myself" or "I'll never be able to do it," for example, you might say, "I can do small things each day to improve."

Pay Attention to When Worthlessness Strikes

Sometimes these negative feelings arise in response to certain situations, thoughts, experiences, or even people. Start noticing when these feelings emerge, what is happening when they occur, and what type of thoughts might be contributing. This is one way to help combat the negative rumination that might be fueling feelings of inadequacy.

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Worthlessness can creep in when you find yourself comparing your own life unfavorably to the lives of others. Rather than falling into the trap of only looking at the ways in which it seems you are lacking, consider keeping a gratitude journal where you spend a little time each day thinking about the things you are grateful for. Refocusing your thoughts in this way can help protect you from the negative effects of comparison and envy.

Do Something for Someone Else

Sometimes when you are feeling worthless, focusing your attention on something other than yourself can help. Research has shown that engaging in prosocial activities like volunteering for your community or helping someone else in need can have a positive effect on a person’s happiness and well-being.4 Helping others can also help you feel a greater sense of connection and purpose.

Try a Mental Health App

There are a number of different mobile apps devoted to improving mental health. Some apps may provide tools such as positive affirmations, mindfulness training, or exercises rooted in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that are designed to help you identify and change patterns of negative thinking.

Best Mental Health Apps

How to Get Help If You're Feeling Worthless

It's important to remember that feeling worthless can also be a sign of an underlying mental health condition. If such feelings are persistent, distressing, or make it difficult to cope with everyday tasks, talk to your primary care provider or contact a mental health professional.

Your primary care provider may ask you about your feelings and other symptoms you have been experiencing. They may also ask you to fill out a questionnaire to screen for symptoms of depression or anxiety. You may also have a physical exam and lab tests to rule out medical conditions that might contribute to symptoms of depression.

You might also want to consider trying online therapy. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as traditional face-to-face treatment. Online therapy presents an accessible and often affordable way of getting help for mental health concerns. Services that provide online therapy can vary in terms of what they offer, their price, and how therapy sessions are conducted. In many cases, options include online chat, video conferencing, email, and phone options.

5 Instances When You Should Visit a Family Counselor

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 17:30:28 GMT

Family counselors are available to offer you and your family a range of services to help resolve conflicts, improve relationships, break addictions, and enhance overall well-being. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, about 95,000 people die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the third-leading preventable cause of death in the United States. Addiction is just one reason that your family might need to seek the help of a counselor. Here are five other instances when you should consider visiting a family counselor.

1. Conflict Resolution

If you and one of your family members are experiencing ongoing conflict or disagreement, it can be hard on your entire household. Discord in your household prevents you from experiencing peace in a place that should be your haven. If you're experiencing conflict, a counselor can help you find ways to communicate effectively and resolve differences.

2. Family Changes

Significant changes within a family, whether happy, sad, or stressful, are good reasons to seek counseling services. Whether you're facing a divorce, grieving a loved one's death, or bringing in a new family member, life can become challenging. A counselor can help the family adjust and cope with these changes.

3. Mental Health Issues

If a family member is struggling with a mental health issue, such as depression, anxiety, or addiction, a counselor can provide support and guidance for both the individual and the family as a whole. Having professional support can make a positive difference, helping you work through difficult emotions, behaviors, and situations.

4. Trauma

Experiencing trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or a natural disaster, can be devastating. A counselor can help the family process and heal from those experiences. They can come up with a treatment plan that can help your development and improve your emotions in healthy ways.

5. Improving Communication and Relationships

Has communication broken down within your family? To improve communication and strengthen relationships, a counselor can provide tools and strategies for more effective and fulfilling interactions. This will help you and your family express their needs and wants to each other effectively.

Consider these five instances and decide if it's time to visit a family counselor . If you or your family are going through a tough patch, you will benefit from speaking to a professional. There's no better time than now to improve your and your family's well-being. Contact our team today at Clearview Counseling Center to schedule an appointment.

Four Steps To Take Control Of Your Mind And Change Your Brain

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 18:36:14 GMT

Four Steps To Take Control Of Your Mind And Change Your Brain

Because of neuroplasticity , the scientifically proven ability of your experiences, behaviors, and thoughts to alter your brain, you are sculpting the physical form and function your brain every day with your life. Most of the time, neuroplastic change happens unconsciously as a result of thought patterns and habitual behaviors we have as we go through our lives on autopilot.

When living like this, letting your brain bully you and run the show, it can feel as if you have no control over your own mind or life. But the good news is that there are scientifically proven steps you can take to steer your mind and life…which permanently changes your brain!

You Can’t Always Believe Your Brain

If you’re like most people, your brain is filled with a constant chatter of thoughts, beliefs, and memories, which are mostly negative and from your childhood. This material is usually below your conscious awareness, cannot be directly measured or retrieved, and yet is very real and has a huge impact on your life and happiness.

In You Are Not Your Brain , Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D. and Rebecca Gladding, M.D. call these “deceptive brain messages” which they define as:

Any false or inaccurate thought or unhelpful or distracting impulse, urge, or desire that takes you away from your true goals and intentions in life.

Deceptive brain messages set up a vicious cycle which can take a devastating toll on people’s lives resulting in depression, anxiety, relationship problems, isolation, addictions, unhealthy habits, and more.

The cycle starts with a thought that causes you discomfort and takes you away from your goals and values. These thoughts are generated as part of your automatic mind, often referred to as negative self-talk or inner-critic, and are made up of implicit memories and learned beliefs from your past.

Some common deceptive brain messages are:

I should have/shouldn’t have…
I’m a bad person.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m not good enough.
I can’t do this/make it…..
I want to escape.

The thought might be accompanied by a physical sensation or an emotional state. For example:

Pounding heart
Butterflies
Sweating
Anxiety
Feeling hopeless/helpless
Having a craving for something or urge to act

In an effort to ease the unpleasant sensation or emotion, you typically behave in automatic, habitual ways. In many cases, you may not even be consciously aware of your response or the motives behind it.

Some habitual responses might include:

Using drugs or alcohol
Eating/dieting/purging
Shopping/spending money/gambling
Compulsive sex
Avoidance behaviors
Repeatedly checking something (email, texts, door locks)
Overthinking or worrying

The authors make the distinction between emotions and emotional sensations and stress the importance of knowing the difference. For their purposes, an emotion is based on a real event in proportional to the happening and shouldn’t be avoided, but experienced and constructively processed. An emotional sensation is a feeling based on a deceptive brain message and leads you to act in unhealthy ways. It’s like the difference between feeling sad because your pet died and feeling sad because you feel unlovable and like no one cares about you. (See blog: What’s The Difference Between Feelings And Emotions )

Four Steps of Thought Reframing

In the 1990s, Jeffrey Schwartz , M.D., a research psychiatrist, combined his interest in Buddhist philosophy with his neuroanatomy research and came up with a Four Step method for successfully altering the behavior of persons with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The Four-Step program has become the established treatment for OCD and has been verified to physically change brains in studies using brain scans.

The good news is that the thought reframing process can be used as a self-treatment to retrain any brain to get rid of mild to moderate unwanted, unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. When symptoms are severe and debilitating, people might not be able to focus their attention enough and would benefit from the method as part of a structured, professional therapy program.

Thought Reframing Worked for Me

I used The Four Steps to change a lifetime of unhealthy thinking patterns and behaviors that culminated in a suicide attempt. While I wouldn’t say I had OCD, I definitely had the behavioral tendencies, through-the-roof anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. After reading Schwartz’s book, Brain Lock, I had reminders of the four steps posted all around — on the refrigerator, in my meditation corner, on the bathroom mirror, and even on the dashboard of my car. ( Read more of my story )

Every time one of those nasty thoughts that led to depression and the suicide attempt popped into my head, I’d march through the four steps. I was determined that I wasn’t going to be a slave to my thoughts anymore and let my mind run and ruin my life. Eventually, it worked.

The four steps, which is really just a formula for applied mindfulness , involves learning to focus your attention and modify your thinking in beneficial ways that support and empower you. Over time and with repetition, the process changes your brain physically and operationally through neuroplasticity. The Four Steps are:

Relabel

Become aware of and identify deceptive brain messages and uncomfortable sensations. Consciously put a label on your experience as it is happening. “I’m feeling anxious right now because I’m thinking about all that could go wrong.” “I’m feeling isolated because I believe I’m unlovable.”

Reframe

Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages. Realize that they’re simply products of your brain that you don’t have to believe. You do this through mindfulness and consulting what Schwartz refers to as your “wise advocate.”

Reframing can also be accomplished by recognizing your cognitive distortions , such as black and white thinking and reasoning with your emotions. For example, if you’re having the sensation that something is wrong, you acknowledge the feeling and ask yourself “Is something really wrong or is it just my brain?” Something may well be amiss, but don’t automatically conclude that it is just because of the feeling.

Refocus

In the first two steps, you clear your cognitive field. Then, you focus your attention in the moment in the direction you want to go and consciously do something constructive. This step can be as simple as directing your thoughts back to the present or engaging in an activity that is healthy and productive — even while the deceptive brain messages are still there and bothering you. Your brain is rewired over time as you repeatedly refocus your attention.

In the article “ Pay Attention ,” Dr. Rick Hanson Ph.D. writes :

In particular, because of what’s called “ experience-dependent neuroplasticity ,” whatever you hold in attention has a special power to change your brain. Attention is like a combination spotlight and vacuum cleaner: it illuminates what it rests upon and then sucks it into your brain – and your self.

Revalue

When you complete the first three steps regularly, the fourth step begins to happen almost automatically as the result of new thinking patterns. You begin to see thoughts, urges, and impulses for what they are: sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that don’t benefit you.

In the video, “ 4 steps to changing your brain for good ,” Dr. Schwartz says that this final step

…actually wires your wise advocate into your habit center. This is basically a positive feedback mechanism that allows you to rewire your brain continually in a more and more adaptive functional way which is the hallmark for self-directed neuroplasticity.

Your Biology Is Not Your Destiny

Just because you have had thoughts and urges or behaved in certain ways in the past — for most of your life even — doesn’t mean that you have to always be that way. You have the power to change your life and your brain. Your biology, including your brain, cells, and genes, can be majorly influenced by how you live . The authors propose that your ally in making a shift is your mind. While there are many definitions of the mind, the authors define it as: “The mind is involved in helping you constructively focus your attention.”(See blog: What’s The Difference Between The Mind And Brain? )

When you learn how to focus your attention in positive, beneficial ways that empower you, you actually rewire your brain to support those thought patterns and behaviors.

The Benefits of Seeing Alcoholism Therapists

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 10:52:58 GMT

Alcoholism has reached epidemic proportions and continues to grow. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, about 95,000 people die annually from alcohol-related problems. It’s the third leading cause of death in the United States. Alcoholism therapists can be a huge help for those struggling with addiction. Let’s look into why you should see a therapist who specializes in alcohol abuse.

They Can Help You Through Your Addiction

Alcoholism therapists specialize in helping those who are facing alcohol addiction. They have unique solutions and tips other therapists may not have. Most of these therapists have years of experience in helping all sorts of clients find recovery from alcohol abuse.

They Won't Judge You

If you're struggling with addiction and don’t have anyone to trust or talk to without feeling judged, find an alcoholism therapist. The therapist will always offer a no-judgment zone for all their patients. They aren’t there to judge you. They’re there to help you discover ways to stop drinking and get your life back on track. They'll provide a wealth of opportunities to help you to get to know yourself better and recognize triggers you may have not realized before. There'll be no criticism when you see an alcoholism therapist at any point.

They Recognize Co-Morbid Mental Health Problems

In many cases, alcoholism is a symptom of other untreated mental health problems. A dual diagnosis is often possible when you seek help from alcoholism therapists. These trained professionals understand that many times alcoholism is there to mask underlying problems that have yet to be treated. It can be very enlightening for people to find help that improves their mental health and helps them to stop drinking. Alcoholism therapists can help you to get the full treatment that you need to find success with recovery.

If you're finding it hard to get your drinking under control and it’s affecting your home life, personal relationships, or professional life, then it’s time to find the help you need. Give Clearview Counseling Center a call today to find an alcoholism therapist who can help you through this type of addiction. We can help you learn more about your options and find the help you need today through confidential counseling with our team.

Realize There Is One Major Difference Between Average People and Achieving People

Thu, 19 May 2022 04:33:37 GMT

John Maxwell Failing Forward

Look at the way any achiever approaches negative experiences, and you can learn a lot about how to fail forward. Read through these two lists, and determine which one describes your approach to failure:

Failing Backward Failing Forward

Blaming Others • Taking Responsibility
Repeating the Same Mistakes • Learning from Each Mistake
Expecting Never to Fail Again • Knowing Failure Is a Part of Progress
Accepting Tradition Blindly • Challenging Outdated Assumptions
Being Limited by Past Mistakes • Taking New Risks
Thinking I am a Failure • Believing Something Didn’t Work
Quitting • Persevering

Think about a recent setback you experienced. How did you respond? No matter how difficult your problems were, the key to overcoming them doesn’t lie in changing your circumstances. It’s in changing yourself. That in itself is a process, and it begins with a desire to be teachable. If you’re willing to do that, then you’ll be able to handle failure. From this moment on, make a commitment to do whatever it takes to fail forward.

Learn a New Definition of Failure

How can you help yourself learn a new definition of failure and develop a different perspective concerning failure and success? By making mistakes. Chuck Braun of Idea Connection Systems encourages trainees to think differently through the use of a mistake quota. He gives each student a quota of thirty mistakes to make for each training session. And if a student uses up all thirty? He receives another thirty. As a result, the students relax, think of mistakes in a whole new light, and begin learning.

As you approach your next big project or assignment, give yourself a reasonable mistake quotient. How many mistakes should you expect to achieve? Twenty? Fifty? Ninety? Give yourself a quota, and try to hit it before bringing the task to completion. Remember, mistakes don’t define failure. They are merely the price of achievement on the success journey.

Remove the “You” from Failure

If you’ve been thinking of yourself as a failure, you can break yourself out of that negative thinking pattern. Look at an area of your life where you have repeatedly failed, and do the following:

Examine your expectations for that area. Write them down. Are they realistic? Do you expect to do everything perfectly? Do you expect to succeed on the first try? How many mistakes should you expect to make before you succeed? Adjust your expectations.
Find new ways to do your work. Brainstorm at least twenty new approaches, and then try at least half of them.
Focus on your strengths. How can you use your best skills and personal strengths to maximize your effort?
Vow to bounce back. No matter how many times you fall down, pick yourself up and keep going.

Don’t wait until you feel positive to move forward. Act your way into feeling good. That’s the only way to start thinking more positively about yourself.

Take Action and Reduce Your Fear

What objective essential to your success are you most afraid of tackling right now? Write what it is here:

The only way to get going is to face that fear and act. Write down all your fears associated with the activity:

Examine your list and accept the fact that you are afraid. Determine what first step you can take to get started on achieving that objective. It doesn’t matter whether it’s small or large. Just do it. If you fail at it, do it again. Keep trying until you accomplish that first step. Then figure out what the next step is.

Remember, it’s almost impossible to feel your way into acting. You must act your way into feeling. The only way to get over the fear is to take action.

Change Your Response to Failure by Accepting Responsibility

Take a hard look at a very recent failure that you have considered not to be your fault. Look for anything negative in the failure that you should claim responsibility for. Then own it.

Once you begin thinking in terms of what is your responsibility, you will be able to change. And changing your mind—the way you think about failure—is the next step to failing forward and the subject of the next part of the book.

Don’t Let the Failure from Outside Get Inside You

What in your life have you considered to be the greatest source of frustration and failure? Think about that factor, and then list all the heartaches, pains, obstacles, and problems related to it.

Now, consider the items one at a time, and decide whether each is a fact of life (which you need to accept and then move beyond) or an item that requires positive action. For a fact of life, write “fact” next to the item, and determine to be positive despite the adversity

For any item needing action, in the space on the right-hand side, write down what you ought to do to create positive change in your life. Then vow to do it cheerfully.

Say Good-bye to Yesterday

To move forward today, you must learn to say good-bye to yesterday’s hurts, tragedies, and baggage. You can’t build a monument to past problems and fail forward.

Take time right now to list the negative events from your past that may be holding you hostage:

For each item you listed, go through the following process.

Acknowledge the pain.
Grieve the loss.
Forgive the person.
Forgive yourself.
Determine to release the event and move on.

If you are having a hard time because you’re holding grudges, talk to God about the issue and ask Him to help you through the process. No matter how difficult this becomes, persevere through it. You will not be able to be your best today until you say good-bye to yesterday.

Get Over Yourself and Start Giving Yourself

If a selfish streak has been keeping you from getting over yourself, examine your attitude, and determine to make meeting the needs of others a priority in your life. You can start by asking yourself the following questions daily, either at the beginning or at the end of each day:

Whom am I pouring my life into?
Whom am I helping who cannot help me in return?
Whom am I lifting who can’t help himself?
Whom am I encouraging daily?

If you will act with the interest of others in mind every day, you will soon be able to give concrete, affirming answers to these questions.

Find the Benefit in Every Bad Experience

Finding the benefit in a bad experience is an ability that takes time to develop and effort to cultivate. You can start by thinking of the last major setback you experienced and listing all of the benefits that have occurred—or might occur—as a result.

Once you’ve learned how to go through that process for an event from your past, the next step involves learning to do it as you experience adversity.

During the coming week, as you experience problems, setbacks, or failures, take some time at the end of the day to brainstorm all the good things that can come of them. And try to maintain a positive mind-set as you move forward so that you can keep yourself open to the coming benefits of failure.

If at First You Do Succeed, Try Something Harder

The willingness to take greater risks is a major key to achieving success, and you may be surprised that it can solve two very different kinds of problems.

First, if you’ve been hitting all the goals you set for yourself, then you need to increase your willingness to take chances. The road to the next level is always uphill, so you can’t coast there.

Conversely, if you find yourself in a place where it seems that you don’t achieve many of your goals, you may be playing it too safe. Once again, the answer is a willingness to take greater risks. (It’s ironic that opposite ends of the spectrum come together in the area of risk.)

Think about the next big goal ahead of you. Write down your plan for reaching it. Then go over that plan to see whether you have included enough risks. If not, find parts of that process where you can push the envelope, take more chances, and increase your opportunity for success.

Get Up, Get Over It, Get Going

Undoubtedly some great task lies ahead of you. Maybe you suspect that accomplishing it is the key to your purpose, but you’ve been afraid to tackle it. Perhaps you’re worried that you will not be able to overcome the failure that could result from attempting it.

Plan to do it. Don’t jump into it frivolously. (If you’ve tried and failed at it once already, then you probably wouldn’t be frivolous.) Get back up on your feet, and use the strategy contained in this chapter to move forward:

Finalize your goal.
Order your plans.
Risk failing by taking action.
Welcome mistakes.
Advance based on your character.
Reevaluate your progress continually.
Develop new strategies to succeed.

If you’re willing to stay determined, work according to a plan, and keep getting up when you get knocked down, you will be able to achieve your goals—and someday your dreams.

Now You’re Ready to Fail Forward

The next time you find yourself envying what successful people have achieved, recognize that they have probably gone through many negative experiences that you cannot see on the surface. An old joke goes like this:

“Never ask what’s in a hot dog while you’re eating one.” The idea is that if you did know what’s in it, you’d never want to eat one again. A lot of failure goes into success.

If you really want to achieve your dreams—I mean really achieve them, not just daydream or talk about them—you’ve got to get out there and fail. Fail early, fail often, but always fail forward. Turn your mistakes into stepping-stones for success

Now that you know how to fail forward, you won’t have to give up either. I wish you well. Keep dreaming, and keep failing forward.

We Need to Talk: Tips for External Processors

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 19:34:11 GMT

We Need to Talk: Tips for External Processors

’m that guy—the one who has no trouble talking during meetings. Even if I don’t know an answer off the top of my head, I figure if I talk long enough I’ll find one. Yes, that is a strategy Michael Scott of The Office employs. And yes, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it. As an external processor, though, it’s part of who I am.

“Thoughts become real when I say them,” my friend recently told me, and I completely agreed. External processors like us (sometimes called verbal processors) need to talk our thoughts out in order to figure out what we truly think, feel, and believe. It’s a messy process—like spilling out your junk drawer just to find out what’s in it. We’re constantly living out a Whose Line Is It Anyway? skit.

Tips for dealing with (and being) an external processor

For those who aren’t wired the same way, a conversation with an external processor can feel like a firehose to the face. How can you effectively connect with your verbal-processing spouse? And how can we external processors get everything out without reducing the listener to a sweaty, tear-stained puddle?

Here are a few tips for both sides.

For Full Article Please Visit

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/communication/we-need-to-talk-tips-for-external-processors/

16 Unhealthy Habits in Marriage

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 19:29:36 GMT

16 Unhealthy Habits in Marriage

A friend and I were just laughing over how quickly kids can form unhealthy habits. You buy them a cake pop one time during their sibling’s practice, and suddenly every time their sibling practices, It’s time for a cake pop! Though somehow it takes approximately 2,304,982,340 reminders for them to remember to close the toilet lid quietly.

Now that I think about it, even as an adult, healthy habits take longer to stick than unhealthy ones. I could get into the swing of eating a bowl of ice cream after dinner a lot faster than I can sync up my life with rhythms of exercise.

Unhealthy Habits in Marriage

Unhealthy habits in marriage can be a bit like that, too. When we open the door to a less than helpful behavior, it can feel easier to repeat again later. At our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways , one of the biggest takeaways is that the natural drift in marriage is toward isolation. And if the drift toward isolation is natural, our unhealthy habits lead us there even faster. Connection and intimacy don’t happen by accident, it takes intentionality.

So with the help of some friends, here are 16 unhealthy habits in marriage to keep an eye out for and to nip in the bud.

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https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/16-unhealthy-habits-in-marriage/

Resurrecting Your Marriage after a Wilderness Season

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 19:25:38 GMT

Resurrecting Your Marriage after a Wilderness Season

I’ll never forget the phone call that changed our family forever. “She just passed away,” my husband said. “The kids were with her.”

My stepchildren’s mother had been battling cancer for more than a year. Randy and I didn’t know how sick she was until the end. My mind wandered to my 14-year-old stepson and 19-year-old stepdaughter. How unfair for them to now face life without their beloved mom.

Where would the kids reside now? I thought. Would we bring them across state lines to live with us? How would they cope with such a significant loss during their teenage years? Why, God? Why didn’t you answer our prayers and heal her?

After nine years of marriage, our stepfamily relationships were in a better place. We survived the early integration years with five kids in a “his, hers, and ours” family. Relationships were finally coming together, and I was looking forward to the years ahead. What I didn’t know then was the wilderness season our marriage would endure after that devastating loss.

Emotions ran high, and we didn’t easily agree on answers to our struggles. I had just finished an internship in grief counseling and thought I knew best what the kids needed. But Randy was quick to remind me they were his kids.

The needs of our marriage quickly sidelined as we agonized over how to navigate the road ahead. Our focus pivoted to helping the kids cope with their grief, understanding what they really needed, and keeping our family intact against a harsh backdrop. Orchestrating everyday demands of five kids with changing dynamics and a high emotional climate overshadowed the needs of our marriage, creating a wilderness with long stretches of lonely roads for me and Randy. The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

For The Full Story

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/staying-married-remarriage/resurrecting-your-marriage-after-a-wilderness-season/

4 Reasons to Seek Alcohol Abuse Therapy

websites@hibu.com (Hibu Websites) — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 18:33:46 GMT

There comes a time when you have to be honest with yourself and your issues with alcohol. While we often think of addiction in terms of illicit substances, alcohol addiction is a very real thing. The fact that alcohol is legal and easily accessible means that it's arguably easier for people to become addicted to it.

There are many ways through which alcohol can harm you. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism estimates that 95,000 people die from alcohol-related causes every year. Alcohol-related causes include liver disease, alcohol poisoning, and vehicular accidents with drivers under the influence. This makes alcohol-related causes the third-highest preventable cause of death in the United States.

With that being said, alcohol abuse therapy is available. Let's look into some of the top reasons why you should seek this option.

1. It's Causing Relationship Problems

Did you know that substance abuse is one of the leading causes of divorce in the United States? Couples often conflict over substance issues, and especially alcohol abuse. If you feel as if your relationships, romantic or otherwise, are being affected by your alcohol intake, it might be time to consider alcohol abuse therapy. It's not unheard of for people to lose contact with their loved ones as they struggle with alcohol issues. Don't let this happen to you.

2. Your Mental Health Issues Are Increasing

One of the worst things about alcohol abuse is that it can exacerbate preexisting mental health issues, especially those related to depression. Alcohol is also known to decrease the positive effects of medications that you're taking. If you want to improve your mental health, you may want to stop drinking alcohol, or decrease the amount that you consume.

3. You're Craving Alcohol

If you feel like you can't relax or get through your day without alcohol, it may be time for you to consider alcohol abuse therapy. You should always be able to go a day or two at least without a drink; you shouldn't "need" alcohol in general.

4. It's Affecting Your Job

If you're missing days at work, or experiencing a performance slump due to your drinking, you need to take stock of your alcohol consumption.

The reality is that if alcohol takes over your life, you need to make a change. Alcohol abuse therapy could be the only solution to save your relationships, your job, and your life. You don't have to do this alone -- call to set up an appointment today.

Stress: Ways to Ease Stress

websites@hibu.com (Hibu Websites) — Thu, 09 Dec 2021 18:01:12 GMT

Ways to Ease Stress

tress is often viewed as an exclusively negative sensation: Work deadlines pile up, family drama takes its toll, busy schedules wear us thin and we wind up drained.

Stress occurs when someone feels an imbalance between a challenge and the resources they have to deal with it, says Kathleen Gunthert, a professor of psychology at American University. Researchers have identified two different types of stress — ‘distress,’ which refers to negative stress (a breakup) and ‘eustress,’ which refers to positive stress (starting a new job).

Chronic stress — defined as “the physiological or psychological response to a prolonged internal or external stressful event,” according to the American Psychological Association — has been linked to unhealthy eating , skin problems , smaller brain size , and even an increased likelihood of chronic disease .

In small doses, however, experts say stress can actually have some positive effects. Moderate levels of daily, manageable stress — also known as ‘eustress’ — may help protect against oxidative damage, which is linked to aging and disease, a 2013 study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology found.

Here are some unexpected upsides to experiencing a little bit of stress.

Stress enhances motivation

While heightened stress can feel overwhelming and decrease motivation, a little bit can go a long way when it comes to kickstarting your work. “Medium levels of stress can enhance our motivation,” Gunthert says. For example, the stress of a deadline can help people focus and pay more attention because time is running out. “We have all had the experience saying, ‘oh I’ve got to get such and such done’ but not being able to find the motivation to do it until we are stressed because it is due the next day and all of a sudden the motivation is there,” she says. “That fight or flight response can kick us into gear sometimes.”

Stress can build resilience and encourage growth

Even though stress can feel overwhelming, it also forces people to problem-solve, ultimately building confidence and skills that are important for future experiences, says Peter Vitaliano, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the School of Medicine at the University of Washington. With increased resiliency and confidence, people tend to feel less threatened and more in control of their situations, he says.

Allison Berwald, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City, says that using stress to face your fears or challenges can also help you work through experiences instead of avoiding them. After facing a fear, you will feel more equipped to handle it in the future, since you have already experienced it, she says.

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Stress can promote bonding

One of the most surprising benefits of stress is that it can help build interpersonal relationships, which are key to overall health. “Social connection is one of the most protective factors against physical and mental health problems,” Gunthert says. When people feel loved and understood by another person, they feel less alone and isolated.

Support groups, for example, are a great place for people to talk about their stresses with others, which builds compassion and, in turn, positive hormones, Vitaliano says. By opening up to one another, Vitaliano says that people feel better because they can relate to each other’s struggles and validate their feelings, creating positivity out of a negative experience.

Talking to friends and family can build and strengthen relationships too. “A lot of our friendships or family relationships wouldn’t be the same if we hadn’t supported each other through some of the tougher times,” says Gunthert.

Stress is part of a meaningful life

A life without stress isn’t necessarily better. Take, for example, a student in graduate school. The application process is competitive, the coursework can be challenging and after graduation, transitioning from an academic setting to a business one can be a learning process. However, in the end, one accomplished something to be proud of, says Gunthert. “The things that we are most proud of and bring the most meaning in our lives are hard,” she says. “If we wipe out the stress, we’d also likely wipe away a lot of the meaning in our lives.”

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4 Facts About the Impact of Alcoholism on Children

1. It's More Common Than You Think

2. It Involves Greater Emotional Neglect

3. It Creates an Increased Risk of Disabilities

4. It's More Likely for Children to Form Addictions

Stress management

Stress basics

Why Are Alcohol Therapy Options So Important?

Identification of Underlying Issues

Emotional Support

Education

Coping Skills

Individualized Treatment

5 Things to Do If You Are Feeling Worthless

5 Things to Do If You Are Feeling Worthless ﻿

Causes of Worthlessness

Childhood Trauma

Seeing Negative Events as Your Fault

Past Criticism

Difficulty Handling Stress

Sign of a Mental Health Condition

What You Can Do If You're Feeling Worthless

Speak Kindly to Yourself

Pay Attention to When Worthlessness Strikes

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Do Something for Someone Else

Try a Mental Health App

How to Get Help If You're Feeling Worthless

5 Instances When You Should Visit a Family Counselor

1. Conflict Resolution

2. Family Changes

3. Mental Health Issues

4. Trauma

5. Improving Communication and Relationships

Four Steps To Take Control Of Your Mind And Change Your Brain

Four Steps To Take Control Of Your Mind And Change Your Brain

You Can’t Always Believe Your Brain

Some common deceptive brain messages are:

The thought might be accompanied by a physical sensation or an emotional state. For example:

Some habitual responses might include:

Four Steps of Thought Reframing

Thought Reframing Worked for Me

Relabel

Reframe

Refocus

Revalue

Your Biology Is Not Your Destiny

The Benefits of Seeing Alcoholism Therapists

They Can Help You Through Your Addiction

They Won't Judge You

They Recognize Co-Morbid Mental Health Problems

Realize There Is One Major Difference Between Average People and Achieving People

John Maxwell Failing Forward

Learn a New Definition of Failure

Remove the “You” from Failure

Take Action and Reduce Your Fear

Change Your Response to Failure by Accepting Responsibility

Don’t Let the Failure from Outside Get Inside You

Say Good-bye to Yesterday

Get Over Yourself and Start Giving Yourself

Find the Benefit in Every Bad Experience

If at First You Do Succeed, Try Something Harder

Get Up, Get Over It, Get Going

Now You’re Ready to Fail Forward

We Need to Talk: Tips for External Processors

We Need to Talk: Tips for External Processors

Tips for dealing with (and being) an external processor

16 Unhealthy Habits in Marriage

16 Unhealthy Habits in Marriage ﻿

Unhealthy Habits in Marriage

Resurrecting Your Marriage after a Wilderness Season

Resurrecting Your Marriage after a Wilderness Season

4 Reasons to Seek Alcohol Abuse Therapy

1. It's Causing Relationship Problems

2. Your Mental Health Issues Are Increasing

3. You're Craving Alcohol

4. It's Affecting Your Job

Stress: Ways to Ease Stress

Ways to Ease Stress

5 Things to Do If You Are Feeling Worthless

16 Unhealthy Habits in Marriage