We Need to Talk: Tips for External Processors

’m that guy—the one who has no trouble talking during meetings. Even if I don’t know an answer off the top of my head, I figure if I talk long enough I’ll find one. Yes, that is a strategy Michael Scott of The Office employs. And yes, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it. As an external processor, though, it’s part of who I am.

“Thoughts become real when I say them,” my friend recently told me, and I completely agreed. External processors like us (sometimes called verbal processors) need to talk our thoughts out in order to figure out what we truly think, feel, and believe. It’s a messy process—like spilling out your junk drawer just to find out what’s in it. We’re constantly living out a Whose Line Is It Anyway? skit.

Tips for dealing with (and being) an external processor

For those who aren’t wired the same way, a conversation with an external processor can feel like a firehose to the face. How can you effectively connect with your verbal-processing spouse? And how can we external processors get everything out without reducing the listener to a sweaty, tear-stained puddle?

Here are a few tips for both sides.

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